The Lord of the Rings Stars buy a Fast Food Joint!
by Faramir Fancier
Summary: What happens when Aragorn buys a fast food joint? Features Boromir as a fry manager, Haldir as a waiter, Legolas in a hair net, and Elrond as a janitor! Although these things mght not appear in the first chap., they will come! Fun for everyone! R
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Here is another story from yours truly, me! It is the story of what happened when the Lord of the Rings stars bought a fast food restaurant. Enjoy!! Also, I don't own Burger King or LotR. I do, however, own McDenethor's and Burger Hovel.

* * *

**_Chapter one: Of For Sale Restaurants and Icees_**.  
  
"Ahh! That's the ticket!" sighed Aragorn, sipping his Blue Lime Icee from McDenethor's Gondorian Location.  
  
"Hey, weirdo, pass the fries!" Screams Boromir, nearly knocking over the Icee.  
  
"Hey! Watch the Icee!" Aragorn snaps.  
  
"Sorry. You know, you should have bought that Suburban, but no! You had to but the Corvette!" sighs Boromir, whose head is between his knees.  
  
"Uh, Aragorn, can you pass my burger?" Sam asks, smooshed between Boromir and Faramir.  
  
"Yeah. Chicken nuggets, man! Chicken Nuggets!!!" Faramir says, nearly smashing Sam.  
  
"Hey! Wait!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Sorry. I needed the chicken nugget-y goodness." Faramir says.  
  
"Dear? Perhaps you should have bought the Suburban." Arwen says. She has the best seat; she is sitting in the front passenger.  
  
"No! Then that blonde that always looks at me, what's-her-face, won't like me anymore." Aragorn moans.  
  
"Uh, Aragorn? Hate to be rude or anything, but THAT'S MY FIANCEE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!!!" Faramir screams.  
  
"Fiancée, Faramir, she's your Fiancée. She could change her mind at any moment." Aragorn says.  
  
"Uh, yeah, but you're married." Faramir points out.  
  
"What's that blonde broad's name again?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Eowyn." Faramir says.  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"She's my Fiancée."  
  
"So?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"You're married." Faramir says.

"She's not a broad."

"Yes she is!"

"YOU'RE MARRIED!!"  
  
"Damnit, Faramir!" Aragorn screams.  
  
"Sorry!" Faramir says.  
  
"Look, can we leave? We're blocking traffic." Sam points out.  
  
"Alright." Aragorn sighs, as he pulls out of the driveway.  
  
"Look! That restaurant's for sale, there!" Boromir screams.  
  
"So?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"So? We can buy it and we'll never have to go to McDenethor's again!" Boromir screams.  
  
"But, he's your dad. You should be patronizing him!" Boromir says.  
  
"I think he hates me. Whenever I go through the drive-through, he picks up the system and the tries to poison my food! He knows my car!" Faramir moans.  
  
"Faramir, that's because you're the only person in Minas Tirith who drives a Hummer 2." Boromir points out.  
  
"So? I have style! I HAVE STYLE!!" Faramir screams.  
  
"Hey! Don't disturb the driver!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Faramir, mmphhm! Mhhmhphsmme!" Sam says, the last of his words incoherent, due to the fact that his face is being smooshed by Boromir and Faramir.  
  
"What?" Aragorn says.  
  
"I said, Faramir, you do have style. I just want to get home in one piece, so don't disturb Aragorn again." Sam says.  
  
"Really?" Faramir says.  
  
"Really." Sam says.  
  
Suddenly, the car turns sharply.  
  
"What the hell??" Arwen screeches.  
  
"I'm buying that place!" Aragorn says.  
  
The car parks. Everyone comes out of the car, which is like 5 people in a 2 people Corvette.  
  
"Hey, is this place for sale?" Aragorn asks.  
  
Suddenly, Theoden and Celeborn come out.  
  
"Sure, sonny." Says Theoden.  
  
"Heh, hey, soon-to-be-uncle-in-law." Faramir says.  
  
"Shut up! I'm still trying to get Eowyn to not marry you!" Theoden says. "Lowly piece of Gondorian slime, trying to marry Eowyn." He mutters under his breath.  
  
"Name your price." Aragorn says.  
  
"Well, since this place got closed because of problems of the sanitary kind, I'd say about $2,000." Celeborn says.  
  
"That's all?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"That's it." Celeborn says.  
  
"Deal!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Honey, what are you going to do with a restaurant?" Arwen says.  
  
"Make my own restaurant! I can see it now: Burger Hovel: _The_ place to eat!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Burger Hovel?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Well, Burger King, Burger Shack, and Burger Hut are taken!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Well, sure, but Burger Hovel?" Boromir says.  
  
"Burger Hovel." Aragorn says.  
  
"Well, if you're sure..." Boromir says.  
  
"I'm totally sure! Come on! We need to get some workers!" Aragorn says, as they pile back into the Corvette.  
  
"Workers?" Sam says.  
  
"Yes, you idiotic Hobbit, workers!" Aragorn screams.  
  
"Hey, can I be chef?" Sam asks.  
  
"Why not?" Aragorn says.  
  
"Can I be the fry manager?" Boromir asks.  
  
"Of course!" Aragorn replies.  
  
"Can I manage the place?" Faramir asks.  
  
"No!" Aragorn yells.  
  
"Oh, sure! It's always; You're second best, Faramir. You're so awful, Faramir. Be more like Boromir, Faramir! You're an idiot, Faramir! You should be dead, Faramir. Here, marry the Rohan girl that Aragorn wants, Faramir! Then listen to Aragorn's commentary on how he wants to screw said Rohan girl, even though he's got a hot Elf chick, Faramir! Well, you know what? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you all! I'm gonna jump out of the window!" Faramir screams.  
  
"Uh, we're in a moving car, little bro." Boromir says.  
  
"DAMN!" Faramir screams.  
  
"Fine, fine, be the manager!" Aragorn screams.  
  
"Thank you." Faramir says.  
  
"Can I be the nugget chef?" Arwen asks.  
  
"Sure, sweetie-pie!" Aragorn says, as Sam, Boromir, and Faramir make gagging noised at Aragorn and Arwen.

"Wait! You wanna screw Eowyn?" Arwen asks.

"I never said that!" Aragorn protests.

"You make me sick!" Arwen says.

"Honey, I'm sorry, alright? I was young and stupid!" Aragorn apologizes.

"Ok, snuggle-bunny." Arwen says

"EEWWW!!!" Sam, Boromir, and Faramir say. 

* * *

A/N: Did you like? Well, there will be more. Burger Hovel...heh! Check back soon!


	2. What happens when you realize that you c...

A/N: Well, here is the next chapter. Uh, so everyone is all psyched to work at Burger Hovel, so here is what happens when they realize that 5 people aren't enough to run a restaurant.

* * *

Chapter Two: **_It takes...a lot more than 2 to run a restaurant_**!  
  
Well, things start off rather well for our Burger Hovel crew. Their restaurant is in a perfect location. But, suddenly, Sam points out the awful truth that even Aragorn can't deny.  
  
"Uh, not to be rude or anything, but we can't run a restaurant on only 5 people. It can't be done." Sam says.  
  
"Really, you small, senseless, immature, FAT little hobbit? Well, if your SMALL brain hasn't noticed, I have set Arwen to the task of running up a newspaper ad! We're putting it in the Gondor Tribune." Aragorn says, and he is crabby because he hasn't had his morning coffee.  
  
"No need to be so mean about it...." Sam says, walking off and going to cry in a corner.  
  
"Aww, don't be sad, Sammy-boy! Let Uncle Boromir wipe away your tears!" Boromir says. (A/N: FYI, this is the second time in a fic that Bori has said those exact words. I seem to find it funny if Bori says that.)  
  
"Wha...what?" Sam asks, tears streaming down his pudgy but still cute face.  
  
"I said....." Boromir starts, but then.....  
  
"AWW, STOP IT ALREADY!! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!" Aragorn screams, throwing his morning paper at Boromir.  
  
"Wait...you're not my uncle!" Sam says.  
  
"I'm your...uh...third uncle, twice removed on your mother's side." Boromir says.  
  
"And no one, NO ONE, ever, EVER calls me Sammy-boy. The last time someone did, and this was Frodo, mind, I had Gollum bite off his finger! See, that's what he got! Do you want a sad, sick little dude who wears only a loin cloth to come and bite off your finger?" Sam asks.  
  
"No, no, Sammy- b—I mean, Sam." Boromir says, shrinking back.  
  
"Honey pie!!! The ad is finished!!!" Arwen calls in a sing-song-y voice.  
  
"Really? Let's see it!" Aragorn says, standing up.  
  
"Can I read it, honey?" Arwen asks.  
  
"Of course, Popkins!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Ahem._ 'Looking for a new job? Need money to buy that denim mini-skirt? How 'bout savings for that souped up Corvette in that car sales place? Well, look no further! Burger Hovel will answer to your calls for money and work. Located in the place where once stood Theoborn's Burger Hole, Burger Hovel offers a great salary rate. Here is one of our future employees who have already jumped on the bandwagon: 'I used to think that working in a fast- food chain was boring. But now, I have all the money I want!'. So, come on down to Burger Hovel, where great people, great food, and great service meet great times.'_" Arwen reads.  
  
"Whoa...." Says Faramir, who has been standing behind a counter.  
  
"Honey snuggles...." Aragorn starts. "THAT WAS BRILLIANT!!!"  
  
"Thank you, pookie-bear!" Arwen says.  
  
"Eew." Say Faramir, Boromir, and Sam.  
  
"That's disgusting." Says Boromir.  
  
"Hey, do that in private!!!" Sam yells.  
  
"Hey, studmuffin, shut up!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Studmuffin?" asks Boromir.  
  
"Yeah! This little hobbit's a studmuffin. What, you have, like, 13 kids?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Uh...." Says Sam, going red.  
  
"How 'bout we drop this conversation?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Ok, looser, whatever you say." Aragorn says.  
  
"Looser?"  
  
"Yeah. Eowyn's been complaining to me about how you ignore her all the time. She's filing for divorce!" Aragorn says.  
  
"We weren't even married!" Faramir yells.  
  
"Oh, she told me about that night in Vegas, man. What, how bad did you scr-- ." Aragorn starts.  
  
"Aragorn! Not in a PG fic!" Arwen says.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Night in Vegas?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Yeah. You got married in the Temple of Love, or something like that." Aragorn says, smirking.  
  
"I never..." Faramir says, going a violent shade of red.  
  
"Oh, yeah? Why does she have a ring on, then?" Aragorn says.  
  
"Engagement ring!" Faramir protests.  
  
"Oh, sure. Were you too drunk to remember that night?" Aragorn says, nearly laughing.  
  
"I never drank anything on that trip!!" Faramir says.  
  
"So you did go on a trip?"  
  
"Well, yeah, we went to Nevada and Utah." Faramir says.  
  
"Las Vegas, Nevada?"  
  
"NO!! RENO!!" Faramir screams.  
  
"Well, just telling you, when you get home and she's gone, remember who warned you. If you have a home, that is." Aragorn says.  
  
"What do you.... No! She didn't file for the house!!" Faramir says.  
  
"Yeppers." Aragorn says, shaking with silent laughter. Boromir is rolling on the floor.  
  
"Wait...t-till.... I.... t-t-tell.... D-D-D-Dad!!" He says in-between violent bursts of the giggles.  
  
"Dad is dead!!!" Faramir says, looking horrified.  
  
"And I was dead, too." Boromir says. "Your point?"

"I always was a faliure. I couldn't ever do _anything_ right. Now, my love life is ruined. What's next? Maybe I'll get hit by lightning and then die! Farewell, cruel world!!" Faramir screams, sinking to his knees.

"Hey, Romeo, don't get your hopes up." Boromir says, very insensitively. Brotherly love, eh? Not real love, ya wackos!  
  
"NOOOOO!!!" Faramir says, running out of the building and screaming his head off.  
  
"He's still gonna manage the place?" Arwen asks.  
  
"Yep. Don't wanna make it worse for the poor devil, do we?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, call the papers! We've got an ad to run!!"

* * *

A/N: Well, no offense if anyone's parents are divorced, I just thought it'd be funny if Faramir and Eowyn broke up. And got married in Vegas. Heee. And, Theoborn is a combo of Theoden and Celeborn, who were previous owners of the location. So, anyway, review, because I need to write more of this crazy story. This is probably the craziest one I've written. Whoo! Review!! Signing off from Burger Hovel---Anduril


	3. Merry and Pippin's Job Interviews

A/N: Well, here's how the application and job hosting went. Enjoy!! Uh, first up are Merry and Pippin. Thanks if you reviewed this piece of writing, I love you!! Chocolate Hershey's Kisses to all!!

To any anonymous reviewers, thank you!!

Sam the studmuffin...snicker, snicker.

* * *

Chapter Three:**_ From Bad to Worse_**  
  
"Alright. Who is our first applicant?" Aragorn asks, wearing a suit and a tie.  
  
"Meriadoc Brandybuck of the Shire. Heir of Buckland.." Boromir says.  
  
"Show him in."  
  
Merry walks in the door.  
  
"Hello, Merry." Aragorn says cheerfully.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn! Dude, long time no see!" Merry says, punching Aragorn in the arm.  
  
"Ah! Oww.." Aragorn moans.  
  
"Did that hurt?" Merry asks.  
  
"No. Not at all. Damn punk." Aragorn says, muttering the last sentence.  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, what is your position of choice?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Uh, I'd like to serve alcoholic beverages and be a drink mixer." Merry says.  
  
"A drink mixer?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"References?"  
  
Merry gives him all these references with things across the top. Some include: _Bartender's Academy, Shire Pub School, Pirate Pete's Pub and Public Place_, and _Buckland Bill's Bar and Grill_.  
  
"_Buckland Bill's Bar and Grill_?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Ok. You will probably be hired, but just incase, we need your phone number." Aragorn says.  
  
"Here." Merry hands him a card that says, '**_Meriadoc Brandybuck_**. Available **Nights **and **Weekends**. 1-800-Brandy-Hall **OR **1-345-merry-rox. E-mail _imfrombucklandbrandywineemail.com_ **OR **_whosyourdaddybrandyhall.com_.'  
  
"Available Nights and Weekends." Aragorn asks.

"Yep."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"My previous job. I got so many printed up that I had to give them out as address cards." Merry says.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"That's it?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Bye, Aragorn, dude!" Merry says, punching Aragorn in the arm again.  
  
"NEXT!!" Aragorn yells.  
  
"Peregrin Took, Son of the Thain, has Rulership over the Shire..." Boromir calls.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn! Whazzup?" Pip says, also punching Aragorn.  
  
"Pip. So, what's your job preference?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Drink mixer."  
  
"That's what Merry said."  
  
"We're a team."  
  
"Oh. References?"  
  
Pip throws some papers at Aragorn: _Shire Sam's, Ithilien's Bar and Grill, Rivendell Night Life, Lorien Lady's Club, Minas Tirith Madness.  
_  
"_Lorien Lady's Club_?"  
  
"Made $200.00 a week there."  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"_Minas Tirith Madness_?"  
  
"Yep!"  
  
"Contact info?"  
  
Pip hands Aragorn a card: '**_Peregrin Took_**. Available at **request**. Can **DJ **a party and serve drinks. Available **Nights** and **Weekends** on request. 1-800-Pip-rules **OR **1-734-Ima-Took. _Pippinrulestheworldshiremail.com_, **OR** _pipinakiltgreatsmials_.com'  
  
"Pip in a kilt?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Available nights and weekends?"  
  
"I was a DJ. I can DJ for the restaurant and serve drinks!"  
  
"Really."  
  
"Yes, sir!"  
  
"Ok. We'll get back to you."  
  
Pippin walks out of the room. He has an immense smile on his face. The first of many interviews are over.

* * *

A/N: There it is. Next come Legolas and Haldir. See what jobs they apply for! Review and enjoy my wonderful story that is the most insane I've ever written! Yay!! I caught the loser thing, and I guess I meant it like when you go, You're such a loooser! And you exaggerate the 'o'. And it won't let me insert then at symbol, so imagine it's there. Regards,---Anduril 


	4. Legolas and Haldir Apply for a Job

A/N: Well, here come Haldir and Legolas's interviews!! Hee, if you are an over serious Legolas fan, you will probably want to roast me, but I have the Faramir and Pippin fans on my side!! Fear me!!! Ahem. Sorry. On with the show....

* * *

Chapter Four: **_Can Things get Worse? Yes, Aragorn, they can._**  
  
"Alrighty, now that we have two drink mixers and a DJ, who's our next applicant?" Aragorn asks, sipping some coffee.  
  
"We have Legolas of Mirkwood, the Prince, and a spiffing good archer by the way." Says Boromir.  
  
"Hey, Lego!!" Says Aragorn.  
  
"ARAGORN!!!" Legolas screams.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Nothing. Ever since I saw that ad, I knew I had to work here! I can so relate to the part about buying...."  
  
"That corvette?"  
  
"No. The denim mini-skirt."  
  
"...."  
  
"Well, shouldn't you interview me?"  
  
"...."  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"Uh...sorry. Now, I'm gonna interview you. Position of choice?"  
  
"I'd like to be a fry chef, but that might mess up my hair. So I think I'll be safe with a cashier." Legolas says.  
  
Aragorn gets evil thoughts about the cashier uniform.  
  
"Ok. Can I have your references?" Aragorn asks.  
  
He gets some papers that say,_ Cashier School, Mirkwood Mall Cashier Training, and McDenethor's Licensed Cashier._  
  
"You worked at McDenethor's?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"You disgust me, Legolas Thranduilion."  
  
"What, Aragorn in Dunedain?"  
  
"Hey, aren't those my lines?" Asks Haldir, looking at the two fighting.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Aragorn growls.  
  
"I was told by your, ahem, _assistant_, that there was a job interview offering, and so I, ahem, came to see if I could acquire a position at this, erm, _establishment_." Haldir says in his signature Haldirian sneer.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look, bucko, just because you're, ahem, _king_ doesn't mean that you have the, ahem, _brains_ to run the world." Haldir says haughtily.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can I have a job here?"  
  
"What about the other stuff?"  
  
"I was further inquiring to your, ahem, kingliness', erm, _supremacy_ if you were fit to run such a, ahem, _lowly_ _establishment_ such as a, ahem, burger joint."  
  
"What? Look, speak in English, ok?"  
  
"Can I have the job? Are you stupid?"  
  
"Sure, whatever. What job?"  
  
"Waiter."  
  
"At a fast food joint?"  
  
"Fully staffed. And I served the Lord and Lady of Lorien, Eru rest their souls."  
  
"They died?"  
  
"No, you moron, they went over the sea."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well, fine, you can have the job, and Legolas, you can have that other job, too."  
  
"Like, OHMIGOD, THANK you ARAGORN!!!" Legolas screams.  
  
"Thanks, you _highness_." Haldir says, a hint of disgust in his voice.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter soon! Next up: Eowyn and Denethor. Anything in italics, besides the restaurant names, are Haldir's sarcastic accents in his Haldirian sneer of his words. Review and Enjoy!! Free burgers hand cooked by Sam G. if you do!! 


	5. Eowyn and Denethor aka The We Hate Faram...

A/N: As promised, the job interviews of Eowyn and Denethor. Included: Much being-mean-to-Faramir and lots of pansy jokes. Well, Sam G. is cooking lots of Burgers for y'all who review! And I know you all want a Burger cooked by our little studmuffin.

* * *

**_Chapter Four: Of Stewards and Shieldmaidens_**  
  
"Ok, Boromir, who's our next applicant?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Whoa. Applicant is in your vocabulary?" Boromir asks, shocked.  
  
"Why wouldn't it be?"  
  
"Because only sons of Stewards and noble people, like myself, have had the proper schooling to use such, erm, big...words." Boromir says, looking at Aragorn's face, which is getting redder and redder.  
  
"What, you dead freak?"  
  
"Sure, pick on the dead guy..."  
  
"Well, who's applying?"  
  
"We have...."  
  
Faramir walks into the room.  
  
"I'm the manager, and I'm having a say in this." He says, walking over to Aragorn.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Uh, Aragorn, the person is getting impatient." Boromir says.  
  
"Well? Show them in!"  
  
"Ok. We have Eowyn Dernhelm, Shieldmaiden of Rohan." Boromir says. Faramir's face has gone an unearthly shade of pale.  
  
"E...E...E...Eowyn?" he sputters.  
  
"Yeah." Aragorn says, looking a bit happy.  
  
"No one told me you were going to be working here." Eowyn says, looking at Faramir.  
  
"Well, fine. Don't work here if you don't want to see me."  
  
"Oh, I want to see you...dead."  
  
"That's nice."  
  
"Sure is. Just like how you left me at the altar."  
  
"I never..."

"When you did remember, you then left me in Cancun for our honeymoon!"

"Did not!"

"And then you left me at the rest area in Minnesota!"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Oh, yeah?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Well, fine. But you never even gave me a proper engagement ring, just one from the 25 cent toy machine!"  
  
"I went to Helzburg Diamonds to get that!"  
  
"Oh, sure."  
  
"Yeah? Well, I did, so there!"  
  
"Uh, guys can we stop fighting?" Aragorn asks, as Eowyn looks daggers at him.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Good. Now, what position?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Drive through operator."  
  
"Fine. Just so I can get to the next person." Aragorn says.  
  
"Thanks, you cool dude!" Eowyn says, giving Aragorn a kiss to make Faramir jealous.  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
In walks Denethor.  
  
"ARGH!!!" Faramir screams.  
  
"YES!" Screams Boromir.  
  
"DIE!!" Screams Denethor.  
  
"ARGH!"  
  
"What can I do for you, Former Steward?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Can I be your mascot? Every restaurant needs a mascot." Denethor says.  
  
"A mascot?"  
  
"Hey, dad? Weren't you McDenethor at your old place?" Boromir interjects.

"McDenethor?" Asks Aragorn.

"A clown." Denethor explains.

"You still look like one.." Faramir says.

"What, you idiotic son of mine?"

"Nothing father."  
  
"Yeah, didn't you work there?" Aragorn asks, suspicious.  
  
"Well, it wasn't called McDenethor's for no reason!" Denethor beams.  
  
"O...k.... Uh, we didn't have a mascot lined up..." Aragorn says.  
  
"Here! Burgy Burger! The mascot!" Denethor shrieks. Faramir is so shocked to see his dad alive and kicking that he falls off his chair. Denethor kicks him—hard—in the side to see if he's alive.  
  
"Is this useless lump alive?" Denethor asks, still kicking. Boromir joins in. Rocks come flying down from the ceiling to stop them. They stop.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Well, can I have the job?" Denethor asks.  
  
"I guess. I mean, since no one else wants it..." Aragorn says.  
  
"YAY! Thanks, Aragorn!" Denethor says, hugging him.  
  
"Get...off...me!" Aragorn says, nearly being suffocated.  
  
"THANKS!!"  
  
"Ergh. Another pansy." Aragorn mutters.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!" Screams Legolas.

* * *

A/N: The End! Of this chapter. Next: Gollum and...someone. I forgot whom. Someone. Be warned! Please, Sam G. is sad that no one wants his burgers!


	6. Elrond and Gollum apply for jobs

A/N: Welcome back to Burger Hovel! Now Gollum will apply and so will Elrond! I remembered! Yay!!! All aboard! Free French fries cooked by Boromir to those who review!!!

* * *

**_Chapter Six: Of the Lord of Rivendell and Greeters.  
_**  
"This is draining, Boromir! Let's just hurry up!" Aragorn sighs.  
  
"Draining? Since when did you become smart?" Boromir asks shocked.  
  
"I always was, idiot!" Aragorn replies.  
  
"Could have fooled me!" Boromir retorts.  
  
In walks Gollum, right before Aragorn strangled Boromir. Due to Gollum, Aragorn didn't.  
  
"Gollum?"  
  
"Gollum?"  
  
"Yesss! I'm here to apply for a jobssss. Now, can I beesss the greeter at the front doorsesss to welcome the peoplesss into our lovely ressstaurant?" Gollum asks.  
  
"Er, well, I mean, I guess so." Aragorn replies.  
  
"Thankssss, kind massster. Smeagol will do what the massster sssaysss. Oh, yesss." Gollum hisses and walks out.  
  
"Well. That was, erm, disgusting and refreshing." Boromir says, cringing.  
  
"Hey...I'm a master!!" Aragorn says happily.  
  
"Yeah, and I'm a chicken."  
  
"No, you're a fry chef. Don't make it worse."  
  
"Erm, shouldn't we carry on?"  
  
"Next!" Aragorn yells.  
  
"We have Lord Elrond!" Boromir exclaims.  
  
"You...you..." Elrond says.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. I just had to say it."  
  
"Ok. Now, what job do you want to apply for?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"Erm, this is very difficult for me to say, but I'll try. I'd like to be the...erm...well, can I be the janitor?" Elrond asks.  
  
"Uh, s-sure! I don't see why not." Aragorn says.  
  
"Oh, thanks a million, Aragorn! Finally! I'll have enough money to open Elrond's Love Shack!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"That's my secondary job."  
  
"O-k."  
  
"Wow, you rock Aragorn! And for once in this twisted authoresses stories," he shakes his fist at the ceiling, "You actually married my daughter!!"

The authoress hears this and nearly breaks her computer. She screams a long list of colorful words at Elrond.  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
Elrond leaves, as Aragorn announces to the world:  
  
"WE'RE GONNA OPEN TOMORROW!!"

* * *

A/N: Finally! They're opening! Wow. Took them long enough. Ergh. So, anyway, whatever. Review and get fries!!


	7. They OPEN! FINALLY!

A/N: The Grand Opening Celebration! Whoop! Raise the roof! Party over here! Ahem.

* * *

**_Chapter Seven: Grand Opening Festivities?  
_**  
"Ok, everyone, are you ready to introduce yourselves to Minas Tirith?" Aragorn asks, wearing a suit and tie. The rest of the workers are in black and silver uniforms, shirts and pants. Denethor is wearing the mascot costume and Gollum is in a tux.  
  
"Should I open the door?" Asks a quaking Legolas.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Legolas steps forward shakily and opens the door, preparing for the worst.  
  
No one comes in.  
  
"Well, let's just start cooking!" Aragorn cheerfully says.  
  
Boromir starts the hot oil, as Denethor eyes it with a weird look in his eyes. Faramir walks over to the icee maker, starting to blend an icee. Aragorn starts the ice cream mixer. Eowyn puts on the drive through headpiece. Arwen starts to bread the chicken nuggets. Gollum paces around the entrance to the restaurant muttering. Soon, the smell of food penetrates the building.  
  
"Ooh! Ooh! I got one!" Eowyn said, covering the mouthpiece of the headset.  
  
"Well? Take their order!" Aragorn snaps.  
  
"Hello, welcome to Burger Hovel, may I help you?" Eowyn asks, putting on a sweet voice. "Yes, we do serve chicken nuggets. You'd like 20? Ok, that'll be...$18.75. What? That's not robbery! It's a good price! What? You wanna fight, buddy? Huh?"  
  
"Maybe someone should stop her." Boromir suggests, as everyone hears Eowyn screaming at the customer.  
  
"No! The customer's always right!" Aragorn yells, running up to Eowyn and covering her mouth.  
  
"Pull up to window 2." He says into the mouthpiece, as the sound of a car driving is heard.  
  
"Take her!" Aragorn says, shoving Eowyn into Faramir's hands. Faramir looks like Aragorn has asked him to catch air in a net and stands as still as a stone, a freaked out look in his eyes, as Eowyn continues to scream into the mouthpiece.  
  
Aragorn bustles around, getting the nuggets from Arwen.  
  
"Here, sir." He says, out of breath as he hands the nuggets and receives the money.  
  
The car drives away. Meanwhile, Eowyn is trying to bite Faramir's hand so he'll let her go.  
  
"OUCH!!" Faramir screams, revealing a large bite mark, as Eowyn goes tearing out of the restaurant and chasing the car. Arwen runs after her and drags her back inside, where Sam renders her unconscious with a frying pan. Aragorn takes over the drive through.  
  
And so ended day one at Burger Hovel...

* * *

A/N: We hope you enjoyed it. Free sundaes and nuggets to those who review. 


	8. Boromir the Manly, Elrond the Rapper, Pi...

A/N: Welcome to Day 2 of the Burger Hovel Restaurant Empire! More people are definitely going to come in! And this chapter will be so long it'll take 20 minutes to read! Or so I hope... Whoop! Raise the ROOF!! Let's see...have fun!!

* * *

**_Chapter Eight: When Crazed Fan Girls Come To Burger Hovel_**  
  
Aragorn has been pacing around, looking all worried. Arwen is looking at the chicken nuggets in disgust.  
  
"Eew...eew...eew...eew!" Arwen says.  
  
"What?" Aragorn asks.  
  
"This chicken is RAW!" Arwen says.  
  
"Dear lord, don't tell me we've fed our customer raw food!" Aragorn groans.  
  
"Uh, has anyone ever learned to use a food cooker?" Arwen asks.  
  
Blank stares greet her question.  
  
"Oh...my...god." Arwen says.  
  
Merry immediately runs to the janitors closet and gets the instruction manual to the previously unused cooker.  
  
"We don't need instructions!" Boromir says, acting like every man does and disregarding the instructions.  
  
"Are you sure you know what to do?" Pip asks.  
  
"Sure. We just slip this cord here.... and insert this tab here.... and presto!" Boromir says.  
  
"Wow! He did it! Well, I'll be!" Aragorn says.  
  
Denethor beams in pride and Faramir looks like he's going to barf.  
  
"Well done son!" Denethor says.  
  
"I did it! I did it! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah!" Boromir says, sounding like Dory from 'Finding Nemo'.  
  
"They say you vanquished raw food almost single-handedly!" Denethor says.  
  
"And they sure as hell don't exaggerate!" Boromir says.  
  
"Isn't part of this victory mine?" Faramir asks.  
  
"Uh, no!" Boromir says.  
  
"Great." Faramir says, sulking.  
  
"AAA!! I'LL KILL HIM WITH MY BARE HANDS! I'LL DO IT SINGLE-HANDELY!" Eowyn yells, tearing out of the janitor's closet.  
  
"Eek! Crazed shield-maiden on the loose!" Aragorn screams, as everyon hides under tables.  
  
Eowyn runs around, looking like a lunatic.  
  
"What's in her bean curd?" Asks Sam.  
  
"What's bean curd?" Asks Pippin.  
  
"I don't know." Sam says.  
  
"Why was she in the janitor's closet?"  
  
"I don't know!" Sam says, rather impatiently.  
  
"Where's Elrond?"  
  
At his name, Elrond jumps out of the janitor's closet.  
  
"Hi, mortals!" Elrond says.  
  
"Look, just because you're immortal doesn't mean you rub it in!" Pip says.  
  
"Oh, who cares." Elrond says, mopping up the floor. There's nothing on it. He's just weird like that.  
  
Faramir has been moping in the corner.  
  
"I hate my life, I hate my work, I hate my family..." He says.  
  
"Oh, save it for the jury!" Boromir snaps.  
  
"That was cold."  
  
Suddenly, as Arwen lowers a chicken nugget into the cooker, a loud rumbling noise is heard.  
  
"Oh, no! Oliphaunts!" Arwen screams. "Hey! That's not it!" Legolas says, leaning over the cooker.  
  
"Don't!" Pippin screams, but it is too late.  
  
The cooker erupts in a violent burst of hot oil and fat. A volcanic sized force shoots upwards—and into Legolas's face.  
  
"Aiii! My beautiful face! My beautiful Elvish face!!" he screams.  
  
Haldir, who has been peacefully napping in a corner (a.k.a. the authoress has forgotten about him) wakes up and bursts into a mad fit of the Snargles.  
  
"Are you...Snargling?" Denethor asks.  
  
"What's Snargling?" Asks Merry.  
  
"Well, it's the sound of chocking on one's own phlegm from laughing at the foolish mistake of another." Pippin says.  
  
"How'd you know that?"  
  
"Being in Minas Tirith with Denethor has its weird moments." Pip says.  
  
"I think that Snargling is very undignified." Faramir says, then goes back to his sad lamentations.  
  
Legolas has been running around like a chicken with his head cut off, then rushes into the bathroom and splashes his face with cold water, and the swelling goes down.  
  
"What's a Snargle sound like?" Asks Sam.  
  
Gollum does his freaky cough.  
  
"Kind of like this, but you add more phlegm and you have to feel like you're going to drown in your own phlegm." Denethor adds.  
  
"Ohhh!" Sam exclaims.  
  
Elrond has been busy mopping up the oil. He has a kerchief on his head and looks like a biker—or at least a wanna be biker. Or a rapper, as pointed out by Sam later.  
  
"Yo, homies, what's chillin'?" Elrond asks.  
  
"How bout you stop talking like you're a wanna be rapper?" Sam suggests.  
  
"Fine." Elrond sighs. "Party spoilers."  
  
"Oh, save it for the high priest!" Boromir yells.  
  
"The priest is high?" Elrond asks.  
  
"NO!! The leader of the priests!" Boromir says.  
  
"Leadership..." Faramir mutters, then continues to lament.  
  
Suddenly, the bell on the door rings as a man and a woman step inside.  
  
"Welcome to Burger Hovel, preciousss cussstomersss. We welcomesss you!" Gollum says.  
  
The lady looks at Gollum warily.  
  
"You hasss nice tassste in ssshoesss, madam, yesss. Tasssty feet, yesss." Gollum says, picking up her sandaled foot.  
  
"Let go of my foot!" the lady screams.  
  
"Sssorry, kind lady." Gollum says, then shrinks away.  
  
"Hi. What can I do for you?" Legolas, the cashier, asks. He is wearing a black and white striped shirt and black and white striped pants.  
  
"Uh, we'd like two medium icees, two burgers, and one order of chicken nuggets." The man says.  
  
"Ok. Ordering, I need two freezerburns, two dirtburgers, and an order of funky chickens!" Legolas screams.  
  
"And can we have some hash?" The man adds.  
  
"Sweep the kitchen!" Legolas adds.  
  
"Erm...."  
  
Suddenly, the food appears.  
  
"My, you have speedy service." The woman says.  
  
"May I seat you, sir and madam?" Haldir asks.  
  
"Oh, of course." The man says.  
  
Haldir, in his tux, yes, he now has a tux, leads the two to a table.  
  
"Thank you." The woman says.  
  
"My pleasure." Haldir says, putting on the Haldirian sneer.  
  
Suddenly, the door opens as two teenaged girls walk in.  
  
"OHMIGOD!!! THAT'S LEGOLAS!!" The one, boobtubesngrass, screams.  
  
"It's PIPPIN!!!!" Screams the other, PopcornLeader.  
  
"I don't believe it..." Sam mutters. "They've found us!"  
  
"Hey! Legolas, can I have a kiss?" boobtubesngrass asks.  
  
"Erm, no!" Legolas says, backing away from the counter. A look of panic is on his face.  
  
"GAH!!" Eowyn screams, jumping on the customers.  
  
"Off!" they yell.  
  
"Eowyn, you need anger management!" Arwen says.  
  
"FINE!" And with that, Eowyn walked out to start anger management classes.  
  
"Can I have a drink?" Asks PopcornLeader, wandering over to where Pippin is.  
  
And without anyone seeing, she grabs Pippin and takes him into Elrond's janitor closet! With Elrond in it.   
  
"HEY! PUNKS!!" Screams Elrond, who has been sipping Miller Light and watching the TV.  
  
"Elrond! You supported Bud Light in the President of Beers campaign!" Pippin says, shocked.  
  
"Yeah, so?" Elrond says, leaving. This is a dangerous spot for Pip, alone in a closet with PopcornLeader.  
  
_Meanwhile, outside...  
_  
"Can I dance?" Asks Legolas. "Sure I can dance!"  
  
"Will you dance with me?" Asks boobtubesngrass.  
  
"Fine!" Legolas sighs, looking happy and distressed.  
  
"Ok. What would you like to dance?" asks Merry, who is going to DJ. 

"Something with rhythm!" Says Legolas, as the Macarena comes on!  
  
"Whoop! GO Legolas, it's your birthday!" screams Denethor, who receives the Look of Death.  
  
_Meanwhile, in the Closet...  
_  
"Can I stuff you in my bag and take you away?" Asks PopcornLeader.  
  
"NO! I like it here." Pip says.  
  
"Can I steal you from these evil people?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"But these people all think you're dumb! Come with me! You're not stupid! You're rather intelligent and smart!" PopcornLeader says.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, my little Hobbit hottie!"  
  
"Erm, sorry, but no."  
  
"Well, can you get up? You're smashing my foot." Says PopcornLeader.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ok." Pip gets up and fumbles around in the closet.  
  
"Why did Elrond turn off the lights?" PopcornLeader asks.  
  
"Because he's crazy." Pip says matter-of-factly.  
  
"Oh." PopcornLeader says, like that explains it all.  
  
The two stumble out of the closet.  
  
"FARAMIR!!" Yells PopcornLeader, running to him after seeing him all alone in the corner.

"**NO**!!!" Yells a voice from on-high.   
  
"Leave me alone! Alone...." Faramir says.  
  
"Gasp! Faramir! You don't mean that!" PopcornLeader says.  
  
"No, I don't! Want a...."  
  
"Sure!" PopcornLeader says, thinking he will say 'kiss'. These weirdos, huh?  
  
"Ok!" Faramir gets up and goes to make an icee.  
  
"What?" PopcornLeader asks.  
  
"GET OUT!!!" Yells Aragorn.  
  
Legolas quickly drops boobtubesngrass, running behind the counter.  
  
Pippin looks slightly confused, and scratches his head.  
  
Faramir is standing there with a lemon icee in his hand.  
  
"OUT!!" Aragorn screams.  
  
Elrond chases them out with a broom.  
  
"Eek!" The girls scream, as they are chased from the restaurant.  
  
"That was weird."  
  
"I never finished my dance!" Legolas whines.  
  
And so, with that, mass insanity started at Burger Hovel...

* * *

A/N: If you would like a cameo appearance, please notify me! I will stick you in.... So, review and get put in the insanity!! Ha!! Just type 'Put me in!' and I will do my best.... And write a nice juicy review to go with it! 


	9. Haldir is Loved, Arwen is Angry, Legolas...

A/N: More cameos by my reviewers! Lots of chaos and insanity! YES!

* * *

_**Chapter Nine: In Which Haldir Gets some Loving and People Come to Freak Out Others**_  
  
"Those two...spooky...my brain...fried." Pippin says.  
  
"Brain fried? Like a brain freeze?" Boromir asks.  
  
"No. It's sizzling and being turned into mush." Pippin says.  
  
"I feel like jumping off a cliff." Denethor whines.  
  
"Look. You're the mascot. If children see the mascot jump off a cliff, then they will too!" Aragorn says.  
  
"Oh, sure. Like you know."  
  
"Actually, I do."  
  
Faramir and Sam have been sleeping, Faramir in a booth, and Sam under the stove. Haldir is playing solitaire and muttering. Merry is pouring himself a 48-ounce glass of vodka. Arwen is muttering, and Eowyn is off at anger management.  
  
"Can someone shut her up?" Denethor says.  
  
"Who's talking?"  
  
"That one!" Denethor says, pointing a finger at Arwen.  
  
"Me??"  
  
"You're the governor's daughter!" The maid from Pirates of the Caribbean says, rushing in and walking out as fast as she came.  
  
"My daddy is not just a governor! He's a lord of a large Elf-haven!" Arwen screams after the maid.  
  
"Your daddy?" Legolas asks.  
  
"Hey, Lego, I've heard you call your father daddy." Arwen says.  
  
"Nuh-uh!"  
  
"Don't make me use this batter!!" Arwen screams.  
  
"Nice rock and pool...wisssh...cheessse!' Gollum says.  
  
Sam rolls out from under the stove.  
  
"Eep! What's he been doing under there?" Arwen asks.  
  
"What? Where's the ale? Show me the money!" Sam mutters.  
  
"Is he talking to me?" Arwen asks.  
  
"No, he's talking to...er..." Aragorn says.  
  
"Yes, Mr. Smarty?" Boromir says.  
  
"Oh, shut up!"  
  
"That was cold."  
  
Boromir goes to sit down and gets a 50-ounce glass of ale.  
  
"You're not going to save any for the customers!" Merry yells after him.  
  
"So what?"  
  
Merry resumes drinking his vodka.  
  
"What on earth?" Aragorn asks, as four girls walk in.  
  
One, the seeming leader, or first one in, is wearing gothic clothes and has black hair with red streaks. The second one in is wearing a shirt that says, "_Marry Me, Merry_!" and just looks like an all around Merry fan. The third one is looking just casual, not anything special but has a shirt on that says, "_Get a Life, Elrond, and Move Out of the Closet._" The last one in is wearing a shirt that says, "_Fallen Angel_" and black jeans.  
  
"Welcome, tasssty little girlsssesss. We welcomesss you to our busssinesss." Gollum hisses.  
  
"Away, freak, before I stove your head in!" Sam says. Needless to say, he's gotten up.  
  
"You looksss like Cinderella, with all thossse bruisssesss and cindersss on your facesss." Gollum says, slinking off.  
  
"Cinderella?" Aragorn asks.  
  
The girls walk up to the counter.  
  
"I want a Burger and 3 orders of fries and a small coke." The first one, Pyro Dragon 117, says.  
  
"I want chicken nuggets, fries, and a coke." The second, Annabel, says.  
  
"Three cheeseburgers and fries." The third, Orliey, says.  
  
"A pizza with marmalade." The fourth one, fallenangel3490, says.  
  
"We don't serve pizza."  
  
"WHAT?? LEGOLAS, WHAT IS YOUR FREAKIN' PROBLEM?" She yells.  
  
"Is there a pizza chef in the house?" Legolas meekly asks, backing away from the counter.  
  
Everyone looks at Sam.  
  
"WHAT?" He says.  
  
"Aren't you the chef?"  
  
"So?"  
  
"Make her a pizza, for Pete's sake!" Arwen yells.  
  
"Alright!" Sam says, though he has no idea how to make a pizza.  
  
Sam takes out some dough and shapes it, pours marinara sauce on it, and puts some cheese on it. He sticks it in the oven and leaves it there.  
  
Annabel, also called Lily the Bucklander, is running around, looking for Merry. She finds him behind the bar counter and pulls up a stool and sits down.  
  
"You have beautiful eyes." She says.  
  
"Uh...thanks." Merry says.  
  
Meanwhile, Pyro Dragon 117 is terrorizing Arwen.  
  
"You are freaky, you know that?"  
  
Arwen continues to bread the chicken.  
  
"You should just have left, you know?"  
  
She pretends not to hear.  
  
"Because I think Aragorn is better off without you."  
  
With that, Arwen jumps on Pyro Dragon 117, trying to strangle her. She would have succeeded had not Boromir, Aragorn, and Legolas jumped in to save her. And that was before Arwen jumped on her again. Boromir grabbed a fry basket and hit Arwen with it, who then turned and slapped Boromir, who fell backwards on Legolas, who hit Aragorn with his bow, who let go of Pyro Dragon 117, who scurried away and on top of a table.  
  
And then, the door opened as four more people walked in! The first, a girl, is wearing a shirt that says, "_I Love Aragorn!!_" and jeans. The second is wearing a shirt that says, "_I'm a Dreamer....And an Elf, too_." The next is wearing a shirt that says, "_Shieldmaiden for Ever_!!" And the last is wearing a shirt that says, "_Haldir is Hott_!"  
  
"HI HALDIR!!!" The one, crazy-haldir-fancier, says.  
  
"?" Haldir thinks, like, "Who are you?"  
  
crazy-haldir-fancier runs over to Haldir, who is sitting in a booth and sipping tea.  
  
"I love you, Haldir!" she says.  
  
"I...er...that's nice." Haldir says.  
  
"I know. Isn't it?" the girl says, putting her arm around Haldir.  
  
Haldir just looks creeped out.  
  
The other girls walk up to the counter and order their food, which they receive and go sit down with the other fans who have previously entered.  
  
"Hi, Legolas." Pyro Dragon 117 says, looking at Legolas.  
  
"Uh. Hi." Legolas says. He's pretty freaked out that all these girls keep saying hi to him.  
  
Meanwhile, Orliey is criticizing Elrond on 'letting himself go by living in the janitor's closet'.  
  
"Oh, sure. What do you know about me?" Elrond scoffs.  
  
"More than you think." She says.  
  
"FREAK!!!" Elrond screams, running into the janitor's closet.

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it! There will be a part two, and the other cameo appearances of the previous chapter will return, and more people are always welcomed to request a cameo! This means PopcornLeader and boobtubesngrass are coming back!! 


	10. Chaos Fun and Weirdness!

A/N: Hey, I'm back! I'm trying to write all the chapters in moderation, due to the fact that I have 10 stories. So, here are more cameos. If you'd like on, please say if you're a boy or girl. Otherwise, I don't know. But if your name is Lego's Girl or something, I'm taking that you're a girl. So, yeah.

* * *

**_Chapter Ten: More Chaos and Sam gets Angry_**  
  
"Leave...me...alone!" Elrond screams.  
  
"But you've let yourself go! You need to refine yourself!" Orliey screams.  
  
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Elrond screams.  
  
"No! You need help!" She yells, chasing after him with a book, _"Ten Steps To Be a Stately Lord Wallowing In Riches, Babes, and Happiness!"  
  
_"I am stately already!!"  
  
Just then, Frodo walks in!  
  
"Frodo!!" screams Sam.  
  
"Get away from me!" Frodo screams.  
  
"I never thought you'd say that!" Sam screams.  
  
"Well, tough luck, Sammy boy!" Frodo screams.  
  
"I've had it!" Sam says, and goes back to sleep under the stove.  
  
Frodo walks out, but not before getting mauled by some crazy fan girls.  
  
"They scare me." Haldir says.  
  
PopcornLeader and boobtubesngrass enter!  
  
"Pippin!!" PopcornLeader says.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"FARAMIR!!"  
  
"MINE!!" says a girl sitting next to him, wearing a black shirt and black jeans. Her shirt on the back says, _"The Flogging Will Continue Until Morale Improves"._  
  
"Nice to see you, Adsol!" (A/N: Adsol is my initials! I'm a cleaning liquid! YAY!)  
  
"We agreed that I'd get Faramir and you'd get Pippin!" Adsol says.  
  
"Sure did."  
  
Faramir and Pippin look scared. Haldir sits there drinking his tea. Aragorn looks confused, Boromir is laughing, Arwen is freaked out, Gollum is on the curb drinking, Denethor looks horrified, and Orliey is chasing Elrond.  
  
"Aragorn!!!" Screams Strider's Girl. She runs over to him and gives him a hug.  
  
"TIG!!" Scream Merry and Pippin, jumping out from behind the bar.  
  
"What the?" Asks Haldir, who then gets hugged by crazy-haldir-fancier.  
  
Breck shows up and drags Boromir into the closet. The authoress becomes real nice and leaves them in there until the restaurant closes.  
  
Pippin and PopcornLeader go for a romantic date and go to Pizza Paul's Pizza Shack. Pippin looks immensely happy.  
  
Haldir and crazy-haldir-fancier and sharing a pot of tea and some tea sandwiches, you know, the kind without crusts and with cucumbers.  
  
Faramir and Adsol go to eat some Chinese food and Denethor's Mandarin Palace.  
  
"Is everything run by my father?" Faramir asks.  
  
Merry and Annabel go for a date and the local Chicken Hut.  
  
Aragorn and Strider's Girl go to Pokey Pete's BBQ Hut.  
  
Elrond is still being chased by Orliey.  
  
Pyro Dragon 117 is talking to Legolas, who is absentmindedly nodding his head and only regains his wits when he gets a kiss and a hug from her.  
  
boobtubesngrass fights with Pyro Dragon 117 over Legolas, who is looking pretty scared.  
  
Sam is still sleeping under the stove, and Gollum comes back in and draws faces on Sam with Magic Markers.  
  
And so ended day whatever at Burger Hovel.

* * *

A/N: If you requested a cameo, you will appear in the next chapter, due to the fact that I had to wrap up these people's cameos, although they will stay there and be annoying. So look for a new chapter soon! 


	11. Even More Weirdness and Insanity

A/N: I'm back! More people will be inserted! More insanity will ensue! And Elrond is freaking out...another classic chapter by Adsol.

* * *

**_Chapter Eleven: Even More Chaos and Elrond is Freaking Out_**  
  
"Wait! You aren't close to being refined!!!" Orliey screams.  
  
Yes, the mob has returned. And some new people, as well.  
  
One is called elven-dreamer and is wearing a shirt that says "Elves...". The other one, skyler06, is wearing a shirt that says "Frodo, Frodo, Frodo!!!". The next, Starlight Queen, is looking casual in a red shirt and jeans. The next, Pointy-eared-elfs, is wearing a shirt that says, "I have pointy Ears." The next, southerngirl4615 is looking casual in a green shirt and black pants. And the last, EL MUCHACHO LOCO is wearing a nice green shirt and jeans.  
  
"AII! MORE FREAKS!!" Aragorn yells, hiding under a counter. Haldir is sleeping.  
  
Faramir has returned from his little dinner and so has everyone else. Haldir is still sleeping.  
  
"Go away, yesss, away you goesss." Gollum hisses. Three guesses as to what Haldir's doing.  
  
"Come off it." Someone says, as Gollum goes back to the bar to drink. Did you say sleeping?  
  
"Is that all he ever does?" EL MUCHACHO LOCO says. You'd be right, if that's what Haldir was doing.  
  
"Pretty much." Elrond says. Elrond has been drinking Tequila and sitting on a table.  
  
"ELROND!! PEOPLE ARE GOING TO EAT ON THAT!!" Orliey screams, resuming the chase to refine Elrond.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Elrond screams. The chase is back on.  
  
"Is that all she does?" Starlight Queen asks.  
  
"Pretty much." Haldir says. Oh, look, he's UP!! Gasps of surprise!!!  
  
"This is boring!" Denethor complains. "It's hot in this stupid costume!"  
  
"Hey, you wanted the job!" Aragorn says.  
  
"I want an icee!!" Denethor says.  
  
Faramir puts some icee in a cup and tosses it at Denethor, and the icee promptly spills out. See, he forgot to put the lid on.  
  
"Not that way, you simple minded idiot!!" Denethor yells.  
  
"Who're you calling simple minded?" Faramir says, drawing his sword.  
  
"Er...Pippin." Denethor says, gulping at the sight of the sword.  
  
"That's right."  
  
"I'm NOT SIMPLE MINDEDED!!!" Pippin protests.  
  
"Simple minded. Not mindeded." Sam corrects.  
  
"Since when were you up?"  
  
"No idea, really."  
  
"Ok, then. Proves my point."  
  
"I WANT FOOD!!" Someone screams.  
  
"DUCK! IT'S A FLYING CHAIR!!!"  
  
"A flying chair?"  
  
"A FLYING CHAIR!!!"  
  
"GASP!!!"  
  
"HEY!!"  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"THAT HURT!"  
  
"NO ONE GOT INJURED!!"  
  
5 more minutes of pointless screaming and yelling ensued. Then, the authoress remembered there was a plot and it should be followed. And a modification was made.  
  
"Ok, so now that that's past..."  
  
"You want fries with that?"  
  
"Where's Arwen?"  
  
"Where's Eowyn?  
  
"Where's the customers?"  
  
And lo and behold, the customers had vanished!  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
"Where's Eowyn?"  
  
"Where's Arwen?"  
  
"Where's the customers?"  
  
"Why are you repeating your sentences?"  
  
"Who What When Where Why?"  
  
"And How."  
  
"Can't forget How."  
  
"This is stupid and pointless."  
  
"Well said, Pippin."  
  
A moment of silence filled the room. Pippin, saying something well said? What on earth was this world coming to?  
  
"Did anyone just realize..."  
  
"Pippin's smart!"  
  
And everyone fell over in a faint from the shock.

* * *

A/N: Hello! Yeah, the customer's are going to come back. What, you thought they'd disappear? Oh, sure. NOT! Ok, after that, look for more coming! 


	12. Even more insanity

A/N: I'm back, my fans! Here's some more insanity! Review and get stuff.

* * *

_**Chapter Twelve: Just a Regular Day...**_  
  
"Where are the customers?"  
  
"THERE!!"  
  
"Yay, they've returned!" Haldir says, then goes back to sleep.  
  
"Can't you stay awake for 1 hour?" Aragorn yells.  
  
"I wanna go home!!!" Sam mutters.  
  
"This is stupid, I'm going to sleep." Arwen mutters.  
  
Faramir is sitting in a corner booth, playing Scrabble with Mary and Boromir.  
  
"That's not a word!" Faramir complains.  
  
"What, omnipotent? That's a word!" Mary says.  
  
"Dictionary!!!" Boromir screams.  
  
Pippin runs over with a dictionary. "Omnipotent: all-powerful, supreme, invincible, unstoppable."  
  
"Whoa..."  
  
"Thanks, you can take that lexicon back."  
  
"What the hell, Mary?"  
  
"Lexicon is another word for dictionary."  
  
"Are you really that smart or did you just memorize words that I've never heard of and rattle them off at random intervals?"  
  
"Is interval a word, Boromir?"  
  
"I don't know...is it?"  
  
"DICTIONARY!!!!"  
  
Pippin runs back. "Interval: gap, time, hiatus, space, period, distance."  
  
"Dude..."  
  
"You know, we're really using a thesaurus, not a dictionary." Mary points out.  
  
"Really? I couldn't tell..."  
  
"That's because you're stupid, Pippin! Read the spine of the book. See? _Thesaurus written by Denethor the Second, the Omnipotent_. What the Hell?"  
  
"Does your dad own everything?" Mary asks.  
  
"Actually, Mary, I would think that Aragon owns everything." Boromir says.  
  
"You mean Aragorn, Boromir."  
  
"That's what I said."  
  
"No, you said Aragon."  
  
"Who the hell is this Aragon?"  
  
"Aragon was a part of Spain, which, along with Castilla, produced most heirs of the Spanish throne." Mary said.  
  
"How does she know these things?"  
  
"Because I'm smart!"  
  
"I'm sexy, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not!" Legolas says.  
  
"That was totally random." Aragorn says.  
  
"So, is this Aragon a big threat to the throne of Minas Tirith?" Denethor asks.  
  
"No, because Aragorn is no longer a leading part of world history, though Spain is, and we're not even in the real world." Sam says.  
  
Silence.  
  
"We're what?"  
  
"Well, think about it, Middle Earth is not real." Sam says.  
  
"SHUT IT!!"  
  
"It's real, it's real, it's real, it's real..." Eowyn mutters. Ok, she's back, I just forgot about her in anger management...  
  
"Hey! You stupid shieldmaiden, shut up!" Aragorn yells.  
  
"When people call me names, I don't get mad...when people call me names, I don't get mad..." She says, rocking back and forth under a booth.  
  
"What's gotten into her?"  
  
"Anger management."  
  
"Oooh."  
  
"What's everyone talking about?"  
  
"FRODO!!!!!!!!!" Someone yells.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Frodo yells and ducks under a table.  
  
"HA! I WON!!!!" Boromir yells.  
  
"You cheated!"  
  
"Miserable liar!!" Faramir yells.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ok, everyone, is _declarationism_ a word?" Mary asks.  
  
A little red line popped up under the word, meaning that it isn't.  
  
"LOSER!!!"  
  
"CHEATER!!!!"  
  
"ARGH!!" Boromir screams, and knocks over the Scrabble board, causing the little tiles to fly all over. Merry runs over and scrambles to pick up all the little tiles.  
  
"TILES!!!! OOOOOHHHH!!!! MINEEEEE!!! MINEEEEE!!!" Merry screams.  
  
Haldir is snoring in the corner.  
  
"Doesn't he ever wake up?"  
  
"No idea."  
  
"He scares me..." Denethor whispers.  
  
"Whatever. Aren't any customers gonna come?" Arwen asks.  
  
"I've not seen any."  
  
"Well..."  
  
"Ok, our food is awful! So I enrolled everyone in Culinary School!" Sam says.  
  
"What? I can't cook as it is, you want me to look like a fool in front of others?" Boromir screams.  
  
"It'll only be five days a week..."  
  
"FIVE DAYS???"

* * *

A/N: Hoped you liked it. I know I did. Ok, I won't write a new chapter until I return from my vacation. So, sorry. I'll be back soon!!! 


	13. Finally! ADSOL Updated and we're all gon...

A/N: I'm back with this story. Everything in strides, and this story needed some time so I could write it. So now that they're all in cooking school, let's explore the fun of French cuisine!!

* * *

_**Chapter Thirteen: Lesson One: How to Make Mashed Potatoes. **_

_At Le Cuisine de Middle Earth..._

"What the heck are we doing here?" Boromir asks, trying to put on the chef's apron.

"We're all learning how to cook!" Sam says happily.

"Ok, what are we learning to cook? It'd better be worth it, I just lost all my money for my anger management, and if this sucks, you're going down, little man!" Eowyn nearly pops a vein screaming.

"Ok, class, settle down!" Screams a man with a French-sounding accent. This is Chef Louis.

"Hey!" Aragorn and Boromir scream, standing up.

"I don't understand why I have to come, I'm just the mascot." Denethor moans.

"Ok, class, we're gonna learn how to flambé a chicken and make mashed potatoes. First, we start with the potatoes." Louis says.

"I know how to make taters!" Sam yells indignantly.

"Shut up, little boy. Now, everyone take 5 taters—I mean, potatoes, from that barrel and peel and slice them." Louis says.

So the group gets the potatoes and starts to peel and slice.

"Ok...no, Pippin, when peeling, move the knife away from your heart! Denethor, don't peel at eye level! Aragorn, it's a small peeling knife, not a sword! Boromir! Stop hacking that poor potato!" Louis screams.

"Like this?" Merry asks, holding up a potato resembling a toothpick.

"NON! Imbecile, how are you doing this? You must perform the peeling like it is an art, like it is ballet." Louis screams.

"But I hate ballet!" Boromir yells, whipping the potato against the wall, and waking Haldir up.

"WHA???"

"Hey, didn't dad make you take Ballet?" Faramir says, looking at Boromir.

"NO!!" Boromir says.

"Really? I think you're lying..." Faramir says.

"SHUT UP!!!" Boromir says, tossing the potato at Faramir.

"ENOUGH!!! Now, we soak the Potatoes in a pot of hot water..." Louis says.

The group places the potatoes in the water.

"Now, we must start the gravy. All right, take some milk and beef stock and butter and combine them in a large, heated pot." Louis says.

The group does so.

"Now, we let it cook for an hour."

So as they wait, everyone starts to play poker. Except Chef Louis, who is sitting in the corner and muttering in French.

"Ok, Boromir, anti up." Denethor says.

"Fine. I'll put in...oh, let's say...$15.00?" Boromir says.

"What? But you have a bad hand!" Pippin says.

"Yeah, right. My hand's better than yours!"

"Fine, I'll put in $16.00" Merry says.

"Merry!" Sam breathes in shock. "You'll loose it all!"

"Not if I can help it! $17.00!" Aragorn says.

"What? That's insane, but...$19.00!" Arwen says.

"Arwen, it's a pity you're going to LOSE!!" Eowyn says. "$20.00!"

"Ok, lady Eowyn, that's great but...$22.00!" Legolas says.

"$23.00!" Pippin interjects.

"$29.00!" Boromir adds.

"$100.00!!" Denethor yells, slamming a check for 100 on the table.

"Woah...so that's...261 frickin' dollars!" Aragorn says.

"Er..." Pippin says, looking at his small hand of 1 2 3 4 5, all diamonds. "I fold."

"WHAT?" Denethor shrieks.

"I just won't win." Pippin admits.

"I fold, as well." Merry, Aragorn, Sam and Arwen say.

"EEK! Oh, well, more chance for me!" Eowyn says.

"Are you sure?" Denethor asks, giving her a suspicious smile.

"Ah...no...I think I'll fold." Eowyn says.

This leaves Legolas, Boromir, Faramir, and Denethor.

"Ok, I'm folding...I make better money racing horses..." Legolas says.

"All right. This is it, men."

"Got it, dad. Don't be so dramatic."

"All right, place you hand on the table." Denethor says.

They do so as the victor of 261 dollars is revealed.

* * *

A/N: Cliffhanger!! Gasp! Ok, don't hate me, it's coming along...I need my poker ace (no pun intended) to tell me what the highest is, so...let's hope for the best!


	14. More Trademark ADSOL Weirdness!

A/N: I'm back! Didja miss me? Thought not. Anyway, now that I know what the highest hand is, it's time to reveal the victor!! Of lots of money!!

* * *

_**Chapter Fourteen: I am the Champion!!**_

"Hey, can I just round off this amount to $300?" Legolas asks.

"FINE! More money for me!" Denethor says happily.

So now there's 300 dollars on the table...

"Ok, men...have at it. Faramir, what's your hand?"

"ER, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, all hearts."

"Eh, I did better!! Three of a kind aces and two kings." Boromir says.

"Dad?" they ask Denethor.

"A royal flush."

"WHAT?"

"Hey, he counted cards!!'

"No fair!"

"I WIN!! I AM THE CHAMPION!!"

"Hey, dad, shouldn't you share some money with your firstborn? Like, 150?" Boromir asks.

"Lemme think...NO!! MUAHAHAHA!!"

"DAD!"

"YOU FREAK!!" Aragorn screams.

"GET HIM!!!"

Everyone runs after Denethor, and no one notices that the pot of gravy is dangerously close to exploding...

"Hey, what's that noise?" Legolas asks, looking at the rocking pot of gravy.

"No! Legolas, don't look at it! Remember last time?" Arwen cautions, but Legolas the Prince is too good to listen to the words of a Queen...that turns out funny, doesn't it?

"What's--" Legolas asks, while sticking his head over the pot, which chooses then and there to explode.

"AAAIIIII!! MY BEAUTIFUL ELVISH FACE!! AIII!" Legolas screams, running around.

"Heeeheee!" Denethor snickers.

Haldir is sleeping in the corner.

"Is that all he ever does??" Aragorn yells.

Chef Louis is sleeping as well.

And with that, controled chaos (or not) set upon the cooking school...

_ABOUT 20 Minutes later..._

"All right, can we just leave?" Boromir asks.

"Why not? Chef whats-his-face is sleeping!" Arwen says.

"The only good thing was that I made money!" Denethor says.

"Whatever." Everyone else says, walking back to the restaurant.

_Meanwhile..._

"Hey, what's this?" Sauron asks. "Pull over, Grima!"

"Yes, boss." Grima says, driving a black limo towards Burger Hovel.

"Hey, Grima, make it snappy!" The Witch King says. "The Fell Beasts are hungry..."

"Sir, yes, sir!"

"Grima, can you hand me that Coke?" Gandalf asks.

"Sure, Gandy!"

"Eh, hand me that lighter!" Sauruman says.

"Sure thing!"

"Hey, hand over the salted pork!" Gimli says.

"Yes, sir!"

"Pass the ketchup!" Elendil says.

"Here, Elen, have at it!" Isildur says.

"Don't call me Elen, Isil!"

"RARR! Not Isil, got it???"

"Ok! Ok!" Elendil says.

"Hey, what's that?" Gil-galad asks.

"Dunno, Gilly, maybe we should check." Balin says.

"NEVER AGAIN!!" Gil-galad says.

"Sorry!"

"What are we doing in this car again?" Celebrimbor asks.

"Dunno." Celeborn replies.

"Hey ho, merry dol!" Tom Bombadil says.

"Shut up, Tom!" Goldberry yells.

"I'm sick of this car!" The Lieutenant of Dol-Gildur says. (did I get that right?)

"Why are there good people in here?" The Mouth of Sauron asks.

"What's wrong with that?" Eladan and Elrohir asks.

"I'm tired! Man, why did Elrond have to work here??" Celebrian asks.

"No love, that's all..." Erkenbrand says.

"Doesn't Sam work here?" Rosie asks.

"Heard Pippin works here..." Diamond says.

Merry's wife says something, but as to what no one knows.

"Watch the pedestrians!" Theoden and Eomer yell.

"This is insane." Glorfindel says.

* * *

A/N: What are all these people doing in this limo? Why are good and evil together?? Find out next time!!


	15. Sorry about the wait and we're all at th...

A/N: Sorry about the wait on this chapter. Anyway, in this issue we'll see just why everyone is in that car, some of the cameo people will come back, and...more weird stuff will happen!

_**

* * *

**__**Chapter Fifteen: Arriving at the Restaurant...**_

_In the Limo..._

"Hey, Grima, do you think that they have good food" The Witch King asks.

"Theoborn's Burger place used to be here."

"That's right! Who did you say bought it" Elendil asks.

"Uh, some upstart named Aragorn and some other people." Celeborn replies.

"Cool. So, do you think they have good food"

"Well, we're kind of pulling into the lot...could that have something to do with the quality of their food" Elladan asks sarcastically.

They pull into the lot and get out of their limo.

_A few moments before, in the restaurant..._

"AAAAAAHHH! THEY'RE BACK" Legolas screams. And indeed, there sit PopcornLeader (Kay), Mary, Orliey, and...Annabel, terrorising the poor owners of the restaurant.

"We're doing nothing of the such" Sean says, walking in (we'll leave him in for stupidity relief). He is wearing a Orange County Choppers shirt (black) and black jeans. Mary is wearing a vintage-looking shirt that says"Visit Mary's Shop of Broken Dreams", Kay has a shirt that says "I LUV PIPPIN", Annabel has on her "Marry me Merry" Shirt, and Orliey has a shirt that says"Elrond comes out of the closet." (Ok, that's weird.) They all have jeans on.

"AHH! A BOY! A SCARY BOY" Legolas screams, ducking behind the counter.

"Er, Legolas, aren't you a boy" Aragorn asks.

"I'm GIMLI! FEAR ME" Sean screams, standing on top of a table and swinging a piece of paper around like an axe.

"Little boy, you are not Gimli." Mary says, cuddling with Faramir in a booth.

"Elrond, have you stopped living in the closet yet" Orliey asks, waving around a large book.

"Noooo..."

"All right then! Now, you have 20 minutes to read this and then you will have a quiz on it" Orliey yells, throwing a book at Elrond called"How to be a Respectable Elf Lord".

"Look! A huge limo of customers" Pippin says, placing a few bottles of Jack Daniels on the shelf.

"Oooh, people" Mary says, looking out the window.

"Really? People people?"

"Really! People who are people!"

"Mary, why do you have a tie on" Boromir asks.

"Because I can, smartass. I bet I can tie a tie better than you" Mary says.

"Yeah, as if. You look like a poser."

"Say that again, you fruit salad" Mary yells at Boromir, brandishing a sword.

"I'm a what"

"You're one grape shy of a fruit salad. But you know what? You ARE a fruit salad"

Mary and Boromir start beating the shit out of each other, right there. The people who were in the Limo walk in and stare at them questioningly.

"SAY UNCLE! Say Uncle, Boromir, say uncle you fucking piece of shit"Mary screams.

"UNCLE" Boromir screams. The two stop fighting, with more than enough bruises, scrapes, and cuts on them to last a lifetime. Plus, Boromir has a broken finger and Mary has a bloody nose.

"Now look what you've done to my son" Denethor screams, tossing a bottle of ketchup (the plastic squeeze kind) at Mary.

"Er, can we get a burger" Elendil asks.

"Uh..." Everyone else says.

"Sure! Faramir, stop hugging Mary and make a damn Icee! Boromir, make some frenchfries, dammit! Everyone else, just go do your damn jobs" Aragorn screams.

Everyone runs off to do their jobs. The ladies (Mary, Kay, Annabel, Orliey) and Sean go to sit down at a booth, whispering hurriedly and fervently. Mary's bloody nose abruptly stops and Boromir's broken finger is healed!

"Ok, I'll have a burger with everything including hot peppers, he'll have a large fry and a Coke, an order of chicken wings and a Pepsi, and 10 large orders of Chicken Nuggets and 15 Large Fries." The Witch King says.

"Whisper whisper...closet...whisper...bomb? NO! Wait, what? Oh, ok! Good idea" Everyone who just got a cameo say.

"What on Earth are they talking about" Boromir wonders.

Soon, the Limo Bunch sit down at a large table. Haldir comes up and sarcastically asks the Witch King if he would like something to drink.

"Well, no thanks." The Witch King answears.

**_Suddenly!_**

KA-BLAM! Elrond's closet blows up with a bang. Sean and Mary (I know this kid Sean) laugh. Mary is holding a match and some tissue paper. Elrond lets out a wail and screams, looking around for little scraps of paper.

"What are you looking for, Ma'am" Sean asks Elrond.

"OOOOH, BURN" Everyone yells.

"Did he just..." Boromir asks.

"Yes, Boromir." Mary says, cutting him off.

"Call Elrond a..." Boromir continues.

"Yes, Boromir." Mary says, a bit more irratated now.

"Girl" Boromir asks.

"YES, BOROMIR" Mary screams.

"Ma'am? Can I help you? I was a boy scout..." Sean says.

"NO! YOU CALLED ME A WOMAN"

"Well, why are you wearing a dress" Sean asks, stating the obvious.

"OOOOH, BURN"

"It's not a dress! It's a stately lordly robe! Tough guys wear stately lordly robes" Elrond says.

"No, tough guys wear pink" Sean says.

"Look, Elrond, just tell him what you're looking for"

"My pictures of my casserole" Elrond wails.

"A Casserole"

"YES! It was my favorite casserole ever! I loved it so much"

"You mean that moldy green thing you brough to my 37th birthday celebration" Faramir asks.

"YES" Elrond screams.

"Well, you only have PICTURES"

"No! The casserole was in the...OH NO"

Yes, Sean and Mary have just blown up Elrond's casserole.

"NOOOOO"

"Sorry." Sean says, not sounding sorry at all.

"Oops." Mary says, smiling.

"YOU'RE NOT SORRY" Elrond screams.

"That's right." Sean and Mary say.

"Can't you make a new casserole" Boromir asks.

"NO! That one was 5,500 years old! It was my first casserole I ever made"

"Eeew! No wonder it smelled weird." Faramir says.

"What would you be doing with a casserole" Orliey asks. "Stately Elvish Lords don't have casseroles."

"THIS ONE DOES"

"Ok, ok, don't get all in a huff"

A few moments later...

"Hey, can we stay here for the night" Elendil asks.

"WHAT" Aragorn asks.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the wait, but I hope it was worth it.

About Elrond's Casserole: I was reading one of my earliest stories to my cousin over the phone. Elrond said (in the story) "A casserole I made." She thought it was "A casserole I married." So she asked if Elrond was in love with a casserole. I said no, he made the casserole. But, she still thinks that Elrond loves casseroles, so I put that in. If anyone else thinks it's funny, cool, if you don't whatever, but that's the explaination.


End file.
